I have led what I call a very “boringly-interesting” life. I think when most of us look back on our lives we see them as nothing out of the ordinary though because we are the ones who have played the starring role.
I was in a flood in my early childhood and suffered nightmares for years after the event. This flood also destroyed much of the photographs of my early childhood. I feel like this flood became a metaphor for much of my life later on.
My mother left when I was around a year old and I never regained a truly significant relationship with her after this. We have had contact and we have a very strained relationship. Sadly I never had the chance to get to know the person who should have been my maternal role model.
My father remarried later which turned out to be a devastating event for me. My step-mother was a highly volatile and abusive woman who tormented me for many years without my father’s knowledge. I had family surrounding me that saw the abuse but they did not know how to handle the situation. They did their best to try and help me but child abuse was considered a “family matter” back then.
At the age of 10 my father committed suicide during the middle of his military retirement, his third divorce, and also while attempting to move his life (and mine) into a new setting. His death would prove to be something that I felt both hindered and defined by for many years. I struggled with understanding his death and my own life while being restricted by the new society I found myself a part of. I was taunted and looked down upon because of the means by which my father died. I struggled with depression and my own suicidal thoughts because of all of these things.
I will always suffer from depression and I will always fight it with all that I can.
I have met many different types of people and I have seen many unique personalities throughout my life. After the death of my father I was both adopted and raised by my paternal grandparents who lived in the Southern United States. This too would prove to be a unique experience. I was a Korean girl being raised by my White Grandparents in a time where this was not a common sight.
I learned a great deal from my grandparents. I learned respect, humility, what hard work was made of and life-lessons that are sadly being forgotten by today’s generations. I also suffered from racism and the constant stigma of being the child of a parent who had committed suicide. Others around me were quick to cruelty and slow to understanding. I learned what being different felt like as both a teenager and a young woman. I longed to fit in and I felt at odds with who I was and who I appeared to be in the eyes of all who were around me.
Over the years I learned more about the intricacies of relationships and the desires that move people to act in certain ways. I have always been fascinated with the inner-self and the limitlessness of our consciousness. People amaze me. Sometimes they do so in a good way and sometimes not. I have encountered self-less people who would do anything for anyone. I have met loyal friends who self-sacrifice for those they love. I have had the honor of meeting courageous individuals who persevered past the limitations that life attempted to constrain them with. I have also had darkened times where I was surrounded by those who would manipulate and lie without regard to others or regard to consequences. I was taken advantage of and eventually discarded by people I considered friends. I learned that trust is a gift that should be held close to the heart and earned rather than freely given. These relationships have opened my mind in so many ways and they have also helped to form me into the person that I am today.
I love writing. I have been writing my entire life. It soothed my pain when I was a child. It eased my loneliness. It opened my inner-mind and it calmed my longing heart. Writing has been a constant that I never feared being abandoned by. It was something that both gave me power and allowed me to be weak all at once and it never judged my flaws unlike so many people I had met and known.
I now have 3 beautiful children who make my world complete. They are the ones that have allowed me to love without fear of rejection. They are my heart, my joy, and my strength. Each day that I smile it is for and because of them. I will never regret the path that brought me to them.
I want to instill values and ethics within my children. I have old-fashioned beliefs with a modern twist on parenting. I want to be available and active in my children’s lives and I want them to also learn that they should have control over their own paths. I feel I am meant to steer them by providing them with the best start, the best tools, and the best knowledge that I can. It is then up to them to reach their goals.
The woman I am today is one who has moved past many things that once held me back throughout my life. I am the strongest version of myself. I have learned to embrace my differences through humor and understanding. I no longer cower down because of my appearance I now enjoy standing out in the crowd. It took me decades to come to a point where I could be open about many aspects of my life. It took time and it took healing as well. I have learned that my heart is one that wants to help. I want to make a difference in the lives of those who are lost. I want to reach out and be the hand that pulls another up from the mud.
My world is full of this and that and so too is this blog. You can expect to see these types of posts on my Blog:
#MommyMondays : Humorous and Serious Blogs about my children and life as a mother.
#TemperamentTuesdays : Blogs that look at personalities and the inner workings of people to help develop a writer’s ability to develop characters and to help “us” look and understand one another a bit better.
#WritingExerciseWednesday : Exercises aimed at working on and developing skills as a writer.
#ThoughtfulThursdays : Thoughts some posted in Stream of Consciousness form.
#FictionFridays : Fictional stories.
#SuicidePreventionAwarenessSaturdays : Posts to raise awareness and promote prevention for Suicide.
#(Inner)SelfieSundays : Posts to help gain insight into ourselves so that we can attain a happier “me.”
I hope that you will enjoy what you see and I look forward to getting to know you as well.